I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m fine with that because I drink coffee anyway. I laugh too loud. I don’t understand boundaries, and I can be rather vulgar. With all that said, I believe everyone serves their purpose in this life.
I adore all of my girlfriends and they are each in my life because they are a part of my soul. All a different part, but a part none the less. I think they like me too, or at least I serve a purpose for them. I believe I am their bad influence bestie. Let me explain what that is, so you may identify that person in your life.
I’m not the friend to call when you want an appropriate way to handle your hubbies “overly friendly” co-worker. I’m the friend you call when you have had enough of that bitch, and need to send her a friendly reminder. Like roadkill of her dashboard friendly.
Do not call me to borrow a tea length dress to wear to a luncheon. Call me to borrow something slutty for date night. The slutty outfit will help with the roadkill accusations. I promise.
Don’t call me when you need to be logical and fair. Call me when you’ve had enough of whatever shit is going on. I will have a box of wine, a secret stash of cigarettes and some semi- sound advice waiting.
I don’t have a weak stomach so I’ll take you to the ER when you almost cut your finger off. I’ll also help you deliver a baby. You can send me a pic of what you think ” may be your mucus plug “. That’s totally normal to me.
When you ask, me watch your kids, please know they will be wearing high heels and having dance parties. Yep, even the boys. We will be eating avocado, doing yoga, and watching funny videos on YouTube. I don’t care about your “screen time” rules.
We all need that friend. The one you can say anything to without feeling judged. The one you can send pictures to and ask ” is this normal “? The ride or die friend. That’s me. It’s my niche. I understand that your work friends probably wouldn’t like me, and your neighbors would prefer I turn my music down before pulling into your driveway. Those people have a valid point, but they wouldn’t help you hide a body, would they? What body? See, I’m not talking.
If you can identify the “bad influence” bestie in your life, tag them in this post. If not, girl go out and get you one…OK