(An open letter to my dear Aunt Edna.)

Dear Aunt Edna,

I am writing you this letter because, I feel as though you don’t understand what I have tried to explain time and time again. Aunt Edna, this is why you may not spoil my children.

I know that you love my children and they love you. Your excessive gift giving however, is not loved by me. As a parent, I enjoy watching my children forge relationships with the members of our family. Relationships that I prefer not to be based on material possessions. O yes, I know that is not your intention. At Christmas when the girls get one gift from everyone else, and six from you, it becomes award all the way around. At this age, they have yet to grasp the concept of money. When they do, I prefer they not equate love with a dollar amount.

Also, Edna I know that you are retired and your finances may not always be as they are right now. Please don’t set yourself back buying for my kids, whom want for nothing. Having the biggest craze in toys each year may be important at some point, but it is not right now. Please know, that NOT ONE person in this house gives a shit about a “hatch-able” or whatever the hell that thing is.

It’s not that my husband and I aren’t grateful for the gifts. I suppose our “style” of parenting is limiting us from becoming trendy toy hoarders. Realistically, we could be on the condemned list already. Discussing a gift with parents isn’t controlling in my opinion, it’s respectful.

Furthermore, dear Aunt, once in a great while I would like to give the “awesome” gift. You know, since I do the discipline and daily upkeep. It would be nice to be the “cool” gifter, instead of just the “sock” mom. I also pushed both of those little darlings out of my vagina, so I think that I should get first call, thanks.

Let’s have an actual conversation about things my children would like, and I would like them to have. Let’s talk about quality time instead of price tags. Please, get on board with my plan here lady! Spoiling my children will only piss me off. A battery-operated egg that needs special care, will also piss me off.

Yours truly,

Sarah

(the meanest)

F.Y.I- I don’t actually have an Aunt Edna. You probably don’t either, but I think all parents have had someone like Edna in their life.