So, it’s Mother’s Day once again. My husband is pretending to “struggle” with what to get me. I say pretending because, I know he has a small Nordstrom bag in his car. It contains a new bottle of Chanel perfume. Props for noticing my bottle is running low. Chances are, I’ll buy myself something in a couple months and say it’s my “Mother’s Day gift”. If you want to know what your wife really wants for Mother’s Day, listen to me now men.

Get up before wifey. Bring her a cup of coffee and tell her to come down when she is ready. Yes, I enjoy being bombarded by my husband and my sweet girls, with their sweet cards. But, I can’t fully enjoy the sweet cards and gifts without a sip of caffeine. It’s hard to feel sentimental when your children are fighting and moaning “I’m hungry”. So, feed the kids, feed the dog, feed the cat, feed whatever the F lives in your house. Let your wife enjoy her coffee in peace.

When she emerges, don’t tell her about how you burnt the griddle making breakfast. Throw the griddle away. Give the kids pop-tarts, who cares, just don’t let her walk into a disaster area. Wrangle your children, and present your offerings. I call them offerings because I am a goddess. Most moms are. We have sacrificed our bodies, our time, our heart and soul. We pee a little when we sneeze. Bring your offerings!

Do not come to Mother’s Day with one card. I don’t give a shit if its homemade, store-bought, or written with chalk on the sidewalk. One from your kids, one from you. Once your kids are grown, that shits on them. While she is still wiping asses, it’s the two-card rule. Moving on.

If you are doing some family Mother’s Day activities, your wife probably already has outfits picked out. If you are staying home, dress your children. Just try, I bet you can do it. Why don’t you take those kids to the park for an hour? Yes, all of them. Let your baby mamma relax, or get ready without an audience.

Let’s touch on gifts quickly. In a recent survey the number one thing women asked for was ALONE time. The second was wine, I don’t know if all mom’s want this much wine, or just my friends. Anyways, get her something that makes her “mom life” easier. NO, not an appliance, that will get you killed. I’m talking, you called a maid service and paid for a “deep clean”. That way mom will have some free time, to drink her wine in peace. Perhaps a gift card to a salon that covers more than just a mani/pedi. A massage is nice quality relaxation time. Maybe just my personal opinion but, save your money on Valentine’s day, anniversaries, and Christmas. Whatever you do, DO NOT mess up the ONE day that recognizes the MOST important thing I do. For F’s sake, take it out of the kid’s college fund, but do not give me an I.O.U on Mother’s Day.

Let’s keep it going, don’t ask me what I want “to do for dinner”. Plan it, make it, do what you gotta do. I gave birth to your children. You know what I like to eat for dinner. Order it, take me there, bring it here, cook it, just don’t ask me. Make sure you have my favorite wine, and don’t ask me if I am sure about “another glass”, just keep pouring.

Most importantly, please end this day by telling me, “You are a good mom”. Tell me that the days I yell at the kids, and lose my patience, are so little compared to the love I give. Tell me that you couldn’t do it without me. That there is no one else in the world, that you would rather have as the mother of your children. Tell me that you appreciate the time and energy I give to our offspring. Tell me that we have good kids, and it has to do with how I love and care for them.

There is no card or gift that can replace the feeling I get, when I know I’m appreciated. Also, the wine. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mommies out there!

XOXO,

Sarah