A Letter to my First Born Child

My Dear Olive,

I was 26 and not married when I found out I was going to be your mom. I must have taken 100 pregnancy tests before I believed you were true. Your daddy was excited right away, and I thought he must be crazy. What a huge responsibility had been gifted to us and I was worried. I’m just being honest here, I was scared shit-less!

 

The first time I saw your little heart beat on the ultrasound screen is the last time I ever felt alone. As you grew in my belly, I talked to you all the time. People would remark on how often I held my belly. It was some weird instinct so you would know I was there. All of the hormones and emotions were overwhelming. The most overwhelming feeling was love.

True to form my sweet girl, you gave mommy such an easy birth. All rainbows and unicorns. On October 24th, 2012 my heart exploded with love as you entered the world. Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined feeling that way. I’ve never been the same since.

 

You will always be the little girl who made me a mom. The little girl who changed my life. The little girl who saved my life. You made me question who I was, and who I wanted to be. You made me face my past, and look forward to my future.

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You made me realize what is important in life. You showed me what unconditional love is. You showed me who my true friends were. You made me fall in love with your daddy all over again. For all of those things, I could never thank you enough. I would live through all of our newborn trials and struggles 100 times, because they taught me everything I know now.

 

It is almost impossible to believe that was all 5 years ago. I know I savored my baby time, and documented all the milestones, but it went so damn fast.

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You still teach me new things every day. I sometimes wonder how a little girl who looks just like me can be so different. You are so sweet and kind. You are so inquisitive and ambitious, and by far the most well-spoken 5-year-old I have ever met. You have taught me how to forgive those who are not kind to us. You have taught me to apologize for every mistake I make.

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You have tested my patience, and that has made me a more patient person. You’ve tested my strength, and made me a stronger person. You are such a giant part of who I am today.

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I hope I make you as proud of me as I am of you. My gorgeous first-born baby, you are amazing. It is no wonder everyone who meets you loves you. You are truly one of a kind. From your big brown eyes, to your auburn hair, to your magical smile. You make the world a better place, and you certainly make me a better person. Happy 5th birthday bunny!!!

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Mommy loves you 309020!

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