So now that I am a mom myself, I have one very overdue apology to address.

Dear Mom,

               #1. I am sorry for asking “what’s for dinner?”, every single freakin’ day.

I used to wonder why that was such an annoying question. Like why would a person who has to plan, shop for, and cook every single meal be irritated by the same exact question every day? Add 10-15% more annoyance by the fact the question was usually asked while you were busy preparing a meal that I could obviously see. Add 25% annoyance to the question when it was asked right after you finished preparing the previous meal. 15% annoyance when it was a special phone call to ask. 57% annoyance for my response which was occasionally less than polite. Not to mention “why even ask”? It doesn’t really matter what’s for dinner. It’s not like I’m going to order take out, or eat somewhere else, I WAS A KID! Now that I am plagued by that same question every day of my damn life, I understand, and I’m sorry Mom.

               #2. I am sorry for assuming you were in charge of keeping track of my stuff. “Mom, where is my book?”, “Where is my purple sweatshirt?”, “Mom, where is the title to my car?”. Yes, I was sort of a gypsy for my young adult life and assumed my Mom would know where all my important stuff was. Because, I lived with my Mom? Nope, just thought she had some kind of magical “know everything” power. Well, guess what? Now that I have a husband and children of my own, I realize there is no freakin’ way to keep track of your own things as well as everyone else’s. The worst part of the magical “Mom power”, is that not one person in your house will actually look for what they have misplaced. Their immediate response will be to just ask mom. No, no never mind, the true worst part is, that you will actually know where most of this stuff is, and it’s right in front of their damn faces!

               #3. I am sorry for being a smart-ass. I remember being a kid and saying “when I’m a mom, I’m never going to yell at my kids”. “I’m going to be a fun mommy”. “I’ll be a cool mom”. HA HA HA, I eat my words daily as I scream like a mad woman. P.S. It’s not possible to be cool and fun when keeping little people alive. Sorry Mom, I get it now.

               #4. I’m just going to apologize for being a teenager in general. So I’m sorry for years 12-19. That is almost a decade of being an asshole.

               #5. I’m sorry for eating your snacks. Now, I realize that a mom snack is sacred. Moms’ give up the last cookie, chocolate bar, scoop of ice cream, without anyone realizing they didn’t get any for themselves. I now know what it’s like to dream about a bag of Doritos all day, only to find that someone pillaged your chips without any regard for your happiness. I apologize on behalf of my Dad for this one as well.

               #6. Finally, I apologize for thinking being a mom wasn’t a real job. It’s a job alright, the hardest, most thankless job in the world. I’m also sorry I don’t make enough money to buy you Botox. I’m aware every wrinkle and laugh line was an un-requested gift from me. So, sorry about that.

Love,

Your daughter