Weird Shit Moms Say

Before I became a mother none of these phrases would have come out of my mouth. Well, maybe like one or two but definitely not one a regular basis. Now I say this shit every day, usually multiple times a day. Sometimes when I hear myself I think “what the fuck happened to my life?” I’m sure you moms and dads out there can relate. Here are my weirdest:

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Bad Influence Best Friend

I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m fine with that because I drink coffee anyway. I laugh too loud. I don’t understand boundaries, and I can be rather vulgar. With all that said, I believe everyone serves their purpose in this life.

coffee

 

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The Breast of the Story

I belong to one of those neighborhood websites, as I’m sure a lot of you do. Well since I’ve been reading, The life-changing magic of tidying up, by Marie Kondo (you have to read this) my house has been in a state of constant purge. We are also undergoing a decent size home renovation that is fueling the purge as well. So, I’ve been selling lots of stuff on my neighborhood website. It’s cool because I make a couple bucks, and have meet some of my awesome neighbors. It’s actually been a very pleasant experience, until yesterday.
I’m not new to internet trolls. Rude people with rude comments about just about everything. I expect them on my blog comments, thus approval process. I see them on Facebook and such. I never expected a troll on a sales post, but here she was.

Image result for ugly trolls
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The Dreaded HOLIDAY Card

Image result for christmas cards on mantle

Once again Christmas card season is upon us. I mean, can we call it a Christmas card? Do we have to call it a holiday card? I don’t know what to call it, but I do know I’m late. My social media feeds are already packed full of adorable family photos which will inevitably become Christmas cards. I have yet to even schedule a photo session. I’m just not into it this year. Usually my Christmas cards are my pride and joy. This year there is a good chance it might not even happen. Let me tell you why.

First of all, this year has been so cray! Every day it’s something. It’s dance class, pre-school, therapy, holiday parties, birthday parties, doctors’ appointments, grocery store, not to mention someone in this house is always sick. We are off of all official kid activities this week, and I’m trying desperately not to leave the house. The last damn thing I want to do is dress my family and drag them to a photo shoot. Also, my photo shoot joy was trampled by my husband this year.

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A Political Rampage- Part Two

So many completely messed up things have happened throughout this election. I came out of the primaries trying to be an adult. You know, listen to the issues and proposed solutions. Respectfully hear my fellow Americans perspectives, even the ones I don’t agree with. It became very apparent, that was NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. So I decided my stellar sense of humor was the only way I’d make it out alive. Here are some of the funniest things I’ve taken from the election.

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A Political Rampage – Part One

First of all, I just want to offer up full disclosure this post gets pretty raw. I might even begin making up new cuss words on this one. So if you are offended by strong language, turn the page.

I cannot fucking wait for election day to be over. Maybe after next Tuesday we can stop berating each other over a political choice. I’m actually more disgusted by the American people than Hill and Don.  Not everyone of course, but A LOT. Some of you are so savage, going so hard on your opponents, you would think either of the two candidates actually gave a shit about you.

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Safety Sarah on Security

I started this investigation for myself and after everything I found, I have to share. The fact of the matter is I don’t just want to be able to defend myself, my kids, and my home; I don’t want to ever be in the position where I have to. My goal is to get you guys protected, so you don’t have to defend.

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