A little backstory for this letter comes from a promise I made myself last year around this time. It sounds so cliche, but turning 30 used to really freak me out. Even two years ago I dreaded that number. 10 years ago I would have told you I’ll be lucky to even see 30. So last year on my 30th birthday I promised myself that 30 would be MY year. I was going to do everything that I had wanted to try, but was afraid to. I was going to make 30-year-old Sarah the best Sarah. In following through with this promise to myself, I had to do a lot of uncomfortable things. Reflect on my past self and really own the mistakes that hindered me from truly loving my present self. To say 365 days is enough time to accomplish all of that would be a lie. But, the first step is always the hardest, and self-reflection is a big bad jerk-off.

“To understand who you are; you have to understand who you’ve been.”

Dear 20-year-old Sarah,

I am your older wiser self, I beg you to listen to my advice, but I know you won’t because you are an extremely stubborn young lady.

#1. I actually like that about you. When you apply that hard head of yours, you can move mountains. But beware, although you seem to know everything, you don’t have a damn clue. You are so strong in your convictions, and yet you have no idea what life is really about. Do more listening. That’s right, shut your mouth, (that runs like a ducks’ ass), and LISTEN.

#2. Eat the pizza! Eat the cake and the pasta. You are not fat! One day you will tip the scale at 200 lbs. and it won’t even matter. It won’t matter because the scale beside you reads 7lbs 8 oz. and that is the only scale in the world that matters. Please stop comparing yourself to girls that have a completely different body type than your own. Working out relentlessly, diet pills, starving, that is not going to change your genetic makeup. O and in a few years’ booty will be the new boobs so hang in there. Hard to believe I know. Trust me girlfriend, you are going to be grateful for that ass. Just give it some time. For now, please eat a cheeseburger and relax.

#3. Stop letting others opinions of you set your course. Those people who you want to like you aren’t worth the air they breathe. The people who like you for who you are will still be around in 10 years. The others will not. Actually I don’t even know where those people are. I’m pretty sure they weren’t really cool then, and they are obsolete now. Try to be more selective about who you let in your inner circle. Not everyone is who they appear to be.

#4. Spend more time with the people that do matter. I know you think you have all the time in the world but listen to me, you don’t. You are going to lose people you love, and you are going to regret not making more time for them. There will always be another night at the club, but there will not always be time to say “I love you”, one last time.

#5. Get out of that tanning bed!!! That’s it, just get the F out!!! Thank God I found skin care to fade the sun spots you have given me. The bad news is, you’re going to be scrapped and scalped to check for skin cancer every year. The good news, spray tan has come a long way.

#6. Don’t hurt someone, because someone else has hurt you. Yes, you are going to have your sweet little heart broken, a few times actually. Don’t take that out on someone else.  Scars of the heart take a long time to heal, but they do. The feelings of guilt from hurting another person, that never really goes away.

#7. Put the cigarette down sista! You are not cool; you are not badass. O I know, I know, you’re not addicted. This will be a lifelong battle. You will quit and quit and quit again. Yep, you will win the battle and you will lose the battle. All the time thinking of how stupid it was to light up in the first place.

#8. Thank you. Thank you for living. Thank you for the nights that turned into mornings. Thank you for being wild. Yes, you do some reckless shit. Sometimes even dangerous (By the way I don’t encourage that now). Thank you for piercing your face and getting tattoos. Thank you for dancing on the bar and taking chances. Thank you for falling in love. Thank you for working hard and playing just as hard. You are going to make A LOT of mistakes, but you will learn from them.

 I will tell you that in 10 years you will have virtually no social life, and watching Disney with your babies is the “plan” for Saturday night. I promise you will have no regrets in this aspect. Not one, ” I wish I would have lived my own life” moment. No, ” I should have done more when I was younger ” thoughts. You lived a whole lot of life in 10 years’ babe. Thank you for the memories. I don’t want to ruin the surprises, but you are one lucky bitch.

Love,

30-year-old Sarah

 

(Trip down memory lane)

(Dear Friends in these pictures with me,

I cropped ya’ll out because you have grown up jobs). lol