I recently received a text from an expecting momma reading “soooo I don’t have a birth plan”. When I had my first babe almost 4 years ago birth plans seemed to be just emerging as mainstream. Now you can’t find a pregnancy checklist without the daunting “make a birth plan”, “review your birth plan”, “make multiple copies of your birth plan”, “plaster your birth plan to your vagina”.

So basically, if you don’t have a birth plan you are already a horrible mother. Which is why I had one of course. A birth plan so elaborate and decisive that it would be criminal for me not to share.

Sarah’s Birth Plan

#1. Give me the drugs.

#2. Give me my baby.

The End

Alright, I will give you guys a moment to soak all that wisdom in.. . . . . . . .

Let me tell you that my birth plan was carefully followed and not deviated from for even one moment. Thus, I had a magical labor and delivery filled with rainbows and unicorns and butterflies. It really was! I would love to tell you that this magical L&D was the result of my scrupulous birth plan, but that would be a lie. It just so happens that after decades of soul searching, and thousands of dollars on education, my one true talent in life is birthing babies. Yep, I’m quick, efficient and I actually love doing it. It’s a gift and a curse. My husband witnessed these quick efficient births so throwing out the “I GAVE BIRTH” card, doesn’t really hold much weight in my house.

Back to the matter at hand, birth plan. Let’s talk about what you actually need on your birth plan.

• If you are all lined up for a vaginal birth, do you want drugs? Oral, epidural, both? Do you want to go natural for as long as you can? Do you want to go natural even if you are screaming and begging for drugs?

• If your vaginal birth is a success, do you want to hold baby right away? Or would you rather have baby cleaned up first?

• Who will be cutting the cord?

• If necessary, would you prefer forceps or vacuum? (I asked my OB what she did, and said “put me down for that”.)

• Will you be breastfeeding? Do you want a lactation consultant to come right away?

• Do you want visitors right away? This will be mostly you and your partners job. If you don’t want visitors right away, it is best to make family and friends aware of this before the big day.

Personally, I wouldn’t spend much more time on said “birth plan”. One of the things that make bringing life into the world so exciting is you don’t know exactly what is going to happen.

I hate to see ladies disappointed in their births because it didn’t go “as planned”. So what, if you planned on going natural and needed the drugs? So what, if you dreamed of a vaginal birth and ended up with a C-section?

 Is your baby healthy? Are you healthy? If yes, then let’s pop champagne girl, because you did it! And it’s an amazing thing to do! I would also like to point out that there are positives and negatives to every birth scenario. Even though I consider my births to be very unicorn-esque, I still pee myself a little when run.

So talk to your OBGYN, contact a doula, midwife or nurse and learn about your birth options. When it’s go time try to concentrate on what’s important and GET THAT BABY OUT!

“We make plans and God Laughs”

Who has a great birth story to share? Or a great birth plan?