So basically you have kids, and holidays completely change. You are no longer leisurely shopping. Planning which house to hit, and which to skip, in order to obtain the perfect holiday meal. You become a complete psycho in hopes of creating magical memories for your offspring. Let me tell you how Easter this year was a total “Mom Fail”.

               Easter crept up on me this year. I frantically scoured amazon.com on Monday for Easter basket fillers. Free two-day shipping saved my ass on that front. You would think that would have the looming bunny day in my mind, but no. Good Friday comes along and it hits me like a ton of bricks. The damn bunny! I forgot pictures with the Easter bunny, Shit! Seems I’m not the only one. As I stand in a two-hour line with my 2 kids and 73-year-old grandma, I realize we are NOT gonna make it. Either my one-year-old is going to lose her shit, or granny’s back will go out. Anxiety begins to fill my body. Ding, Ding, light bulb.

               A quick google search, and a two-minute call later, we are on our way upstairs to the “Picture People” studio. They even have real bunnies! Long line with screaming kids and bitchy parents can suck it! Yes, it cost me double, but the pictures turned out amazing and my kids got to play with a baby bunny. Mom for the WIN! I was feeling pretty smug as I walked back past the Easter Bunny line and saw the man who was behind me hadn’t even made it past the pastel colored fence. I shot an imaginary middle finger to the worn out, musty looking, furry costumed person and exited the mall with my crew, and my gorgeous Easter pictures.

               Next day, I figured getting this giant Easter basket together would be a good idea. One kid is sound asleep, other kid is playing in her bedroom. Now, normally when my 3-year-old plays in her room you have to practically drag her out after hours of solitude. She has a great imagination and gets lost in her own little world. Ha, not today. I’m sitting in my husband’s game room, stuffing a basket full of sippy cups, pj’s, and Easter grass when she barges in. Startled, I scream, “GO TO YOUR ROOM”! She immediately burst into tears, so not only does she probably wonder why mommy is messing with Easter baskets, but also why she got yelled at for no reason. After a lengthy apology, haphazard explanation, and some cuddles my kid is once again happy. Jesus H, it was just yesterday I could wrap gifts right in front of her and she had no idea. Now you have to be a freakin’ ninja just to stuff a basket.

               Did I mention I boiled our Easter eggs for 45 minutes because I got distracted? The only Easter ham left at the store was Kroger brand, and it is smaller than a baked potato. I forgot an egg coloring kit, so we will be using food coloring and white vinegar. This Easter was not only a total “mom fail”, but probably significantly traumatic as well. I guess you can’t win them all.

Happy Easter,

Easter Ruining Mom Bunny

The kid I traumatized with her basket last year.

Pictures with the real bunny. One thing I did right this year.