To be 100% honest my first baby was pretty much the perfect toddler. It was easy to teach her things and she met her milestones with ease. I’d like to say it’s because I’m such an awesome momma , but I probably just got lucky. So a little over a year and a half ago, I assumed potty training would be a breeze too.

WRONG! Let me just set the stage for you quickly. I did my research, I bought my potty chair, I set up my super creative sticker chart. Pull-ups, big girl panties, the whole nine. It’s go time.

The fact that my kid had absolutely zero interest in any of this stuff might not have been so traumatic if she hadn’t been such a super star in all other areas. Not to mention, almost every person I talked to was all like “O my baby used the potty at a little over a year”. OK, total lies!!!! Just because your kid coincidentally pees on a potty seat once, does not make them potty trained, so stop telling people that BS.

First attempt a fail, I try again in about 3-4 weeks. This time I use the “naked” approach. A bunch of people told me to just put her in a t-shirt and socks, put the potty chair in the play room and let her figure it out. She immediately sits down on potty chair and starts watching Sesame Street. Awesome !!!! this is totally going to work!!!!

NOT! My brilliant 15 month old suddenly stood up, smiled at me, and peed all over the floor. Nice. So I calmly and gently tell her that “we pee on the potty, not the floor”. She seemed to be picking up what I was laying down. But yet, in another 35 minutes she pisses on the floor again. WTF?

So here I am just spot cleaning the carpet and my husband comes home from work. He looks into the family room and asks me what is on the floor. I look up to find a giant adult size turd right in front of the TV. That’s right kids, my little angel dropped a log while I was cleaning up urine.

By now our dog is sniffing around trying to figure out why kids can potty on the carpet and he can’t. That’s it, I’m done! Get me a diaper and the steam cleaner, this shit stops NOW.

Needless to say, my daughter is totally potty trained now and the trauma of human feces on the floor has faded. I leave you with this piece of advice. Potty training fucking sucks! Anyone who tells you it doesn’t is either a liar or a robot. There are no one size fits all solutions. Just be prepared to lose your shit, regroup, and lose it all over again.

Happy Training Babes xoxo