These next few posts were actually not written for this blog, they were just my person pieces, written because that’s how I deal with stress. I decided to blog this part of my life because I think maybe it could help someone else. Also, it is real, true and very relevant to me, and that is what I promise you guys when I write.

I follow lots of mom bloggers with beautiful pictures and eloquent writing. I love to read their blogs. That’s just not who I am. I always want to be the mom you call when you are losing your shit. I always want to be the mom you can be 100% honest with because you know I won’t judge you. In order for that to happen, I have to keep it 100% honest and real with myself.

So a month or so ago we took our youngest daughter in for her 18-month old checkup. She failed epically. She didn’t pass the autism check or the speech milestone test. Physically she is on point. I guess with our first daughter we were so obsessed with “milestones” we didn’t miss a thing. My husband and I were blindsided when baby E raised a flag.

At 18 months our first daughter said about 30 words. Our second says about 5 words. How did I miss this? I’m a stay at home mom for god’s sake!

I knew that baby E had some social anxiety. Maybe it was just her personality? But I saw the look on my pediatricians face when I described the extent. (Just a little FYI, my pediatrician and her nurses have been amazing since day one. That was 4 years ago when I interviewed them and others before giving birth to my first baby.) I knew she wasn’t overreacting or judging me.

I held my baby in one arm and a card to a specialist in the other, on the way to the parking garage. My husband said very little, which meant he is worried too. When we got to the car, he kissed me and helped buckle the girls in. A kiss goodbye and not another word until I said “I called some specialists”.

My husband is a smart man, so he said “whatever you think babe”. What I didn’t say is, I’ve called several specialists. One specialist took the time to talk to me for almost an hour before making an appointment. Of course she was out of network.  Doing battle with our insurance company is a whole other blog. But, when you are a mom desperate to help your baby, you will go to battle.

O hunny, I was born a fighter, you don’t want to go to war with me.