Father’s Day Fairy Tale

In honor of Father’s Day, I wanted to publish a piece that is very personal to me.

I often liken my life to the Cinderella fairy tale. If Cinderella’s mother had not died, but was an alcoholic junkie, who revoked her rights as mother. If Cinderella’s father had not been a king, but rather an iron working biker. OK, OK, it’s not very much like Cinderella at all. It is my fairy tale though.

So, let me take you there. . .

In the 1980’s the “single Dad” didn’t exist. Especially, not the single dad like mine. My dad was a rebel. He had long hair, rode a motorcycle, went to work, and did his thing. He wore a grim reaper ring, and took care of his giant German Shepard’s. I’m sure if someone had told him back then, he would soon be solely responsible for a baby girl, he would have told them where to go, and how to get there. He was
“that kind of guy”.  My father met my mother a few years before I was born, and made it very clear he had no interest in having children. Well, as you can see, we all don’t come from the best intentions.

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What Mom really wants for Mother’s Day

So, it’s Mother’s Day once again. My husband is pretending to “struggle” with what to get me. I say pretending because, I know he has a small Nordstrom bag in his car. It contains a new bottle of Chanel perfume. Props for noticing my bottle is running low. Chances are, I’ll buy myself something in a couple months and say it’s my “Mother’s Day gift”. If you want to know what your wife really wants for Mother’s Day, listen to me now men.

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Get up before wifey. Bring her a cup of coffee and tell her to come down when she is ready. Yes, I enjoy being bombarded by my husband and my sweet girls, with their sweet cards. But, I can’t fully enjoy the sweet cards and gifts without a sip of caffeine. It’s hard to feel sentimental when your children are fighting and moaning “I’m hungry”. So, feed the kids, feed the dog, feed the cat, feed whatever the F lives in your house. Let your wife enjoy her coffee in peace.

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Mom Friends You Need

A couple months ago I wrote about the moms I just can’t be friends with. You can read that here.

Mom’s I just can’t with.

Now, I want to tell you about the moms I can’t live without. If you have seen any of these mom’s in action, consider friend-ing them. If you are one of these moms, much love to you.

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Pack It All Mom- whenever you do anything with “pack it all mom”, you basically have no worries. You forgot wipes? Snacks? She’s got it, and she brought extra for your kids. She made cookies for play date and yes, they are organic and yes, she checked everyone’s allergies. Girl has got the kitchen sink organized neatly in the back of her SUV. My pack it all friend isn’t even a mom. However, she’s totally clutch in all situations. You can spot a pack it all mom, by the travel sized bottle of anti-bacterial hanging from her purse.

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Hot Mess Mom- no matter how late you are, you can count on “Hot Mess Mom” to be later. She’s frazzled, and always has a hilarious story to tell. No matter what you have done to your children, Hot Mess Mom can top it. You can tell her anything and she will just laugh. No mom shame from this lady. She didn’t even take her store-bought cookies and put them in Tupperware. “Hot Mess Mom” doesn’t care, and we love her for that.

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Bad Influence Best Friend

I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m fine with that because I drink coffee anyway. I laugh too loud. I don’t understand boundaries, and I can be rather vulgar. With all that said, I believe everyone serves their purpose in this life.

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Out of the Closet

I’ve been working on de-cluttering and organizing my life for the past few months. All the while singing the praise of my magical book. If you have had contact with me in the past 6 weeks or so, you’re probably sick to death of hearing about it. I don’t even care, I’m going to keep talking about it. The book has changed my life. Get the book!

 

I defiantly want to talk to you guys about my journey and how this book has changed my life. First, I want to show you results. This whole concept seemed so unrealistic to me, I actually became physically ill when asked to remove every last thing from my closet. The KonMari method starts with clothing. Probably because it is the least sentimental for most. Not me! My closet is my soul. Dressing myself, dressing others, it’s a part of who I am. The clothes that I keep just because they were gifts from buyers or designers. I earned them for doing my job well, just like a paycheck on a hanger baby. The picture is simple, it’s me on the floor of my walk in. An empty bottle of chardonnay in one hand, a vintage Vera Wang in the other. OK, it obvious I have real issues, but let’s move on to the before pictures.

My closet on any given day.

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The Breast of the Story

I belong to one of those neighborhood websites, as I’m sure a lot of you do. Well since I’ve been reading, The life-changing magic of tidying up, by Marie Kondo (you have to read this) my house has been in a state of constant purge. We are also undergoing a decent size home renovation that is fueling the purge as well. So, I’ve been selling lots of stuff on my neighborhood website. It’s cool because I make a couple bucks, and have meet some of my awesome neighbors. It’s actually been a very pleasant experience, until yesterday.
I’m not new to internet trolls. Rude people with rude comments about just about everything. I expect them on my blog comments, thus approval process. I see them on Facebook and such. I never expected a troll on a sales post, but here she was.

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Mom’s I just CAN’T with…

Here are a few mom’s I just can’t be friends with. I like meeting new people and I try to be kind to everyone. However, making “mom friends” is tough, even for the super social. I consider myself a “cut your losses” kind of lady. I approach a potential friend and say “Hi I’m Sarah, would you like to drink wine and bitch about our kids”? If the answer is no, that’s OK. I just like to know where I stand. Before I developed this intense screening process for potential friends, I met the ladies below. You may know some of these gals as well.

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