The Breast of the Story

I belong to one of those neighborhood websites, as I’m sure a lot of you do. Well since I’ve been reading, The life-changing magic of tidying up, by Marie Kondo (you have to read this) my house has been in a state of constant purge. We are also undergoing a decent size home renovation that is fueling the purge as well. So, I’ve been selling lots of stuff on my neighborhood website. It’s cool because I make a couple bucks, and have meet some of my awesome neighbors. It’s actually been a very pleasant experience, until yesterday.
I’m not new to internet trolls. Rude people with rude comments about just about everything. I expect them on my blog comments, thus approval process. I see them on Facebook and such. I never expected a troll on a sales post, but here she was.

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Mom’s I just CAN’T with…

Here are a few mom’s I just can’t be friends with. I like meeting new people and I try to be kind to everyone. However, making “mom friends” is tough, even for the super social. I consider myself a “cut your losses” kind of lady. I approach a potential friend and say “Hi I’m Sarah, would you like to drink wine and bitch about our kids”? If the answer is no, that’s OK. I just like to know where I stand. Before I developed this intense screening process for potential friends, I met the ladies below. You may know some of these gals as well.

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The Story I Never Wanted to Tell

I entered into our second viable pregnancy on the cusp of a miscarriage. I had miscarried before, so I was not new to the feelings. However, this pregnancy I felt relaxed. Maybe that was because I was already 7 weeks along. Yep, I had gone through two full periods all while carrying this baby. Basically, by the time I found out I was pregnant, I was out of the “danger zone”. Or at least the danger zone as I had known it.

The news was shocking to say the least. I was at my OBGYN’s office for a birth control RX. The previous miscarry had been a lot on my husband and I. We had decided to take pre-cautions until we were sure we wanted to try for a second baby. Ironic that this was the day I saw the baby I absolutely couldn’t live without.

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No symptoms, no signs of pregnancy. A different baby, a different pregnancy. It was then that I learned, sometimes when a woman miscarries, her body will begin to ovulate “twice a month”. Often your cycle will continue through the first couple months of pregnancy. Lots of surprises that day.

Fast forward a few months and I’m feeling great. I’ve been relaxed and traveling. Spending time with family out of state. I got to announce this baby in person to so many people that I loved. Something most “out of towners” don’t get to do. Thanks to a new blood panel test, we would even know the sex in a few weeks.

I had secretly been longing for another little girl. I felt like I knew her all along. We shot our “announcement photo’s” with a little pair of pink baby shoes along ours. Even a picture of my husband digging in his wallet, lol. I held off on telling distant friends and social media until exactly 15 weeks.

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That’s when it happened.

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I’m raising women here, OK?

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When I found out our first baby was a girl, I was thrilled. After almost two years of girl life, I wasn’t ready for that to be over. I silently hoped our second little bundle was a girl as well. Nothing made me happier than finding out I was going to be a girl mom again. Sure, I’ve had scary thoughts of teenage life with these two sweeties, but nothing could damper my happiness of raising girls. WRONG! O how wrong I was!

It’s not the drama, the attitude, the whining and crying. It’s the other girls. Apparently, we now live in some alternative universe where “mean girls” start in pre-school. Now, I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. I was prepared to counsel my girls through middle and high school bullying. BUT pre-school, are you F’ing kidding me? This isn’t going to be the post where I rant and rave about my daughter’s experiences with “mean girls”. This is the post where I make sure my daughter doesn’t turn into one.

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A Gentleman’s Gift Giving Guide

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Obviously, my blog is usually geared toward women, but not today. Today, I want to help the male species give good gifts (say that 3 times fast).

Men; giving your significant other a thoughtful is crucial to your happiness. I’m talking less bitching, more football, pass on forgetting the garbage, possibly even sex. Ya’ll need to get your gift game tight. OK?

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The Dreaded HOLIDAY Card

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Once again Christmas card season is upon us. I mean, can we call it a Christmas card? Do we have to call it a holiday card? I don’t know what to call it, but I do know I’m late. My social media feeds are already packed full of adorable family photos which will inevitably become Christmas cards. I have yet to even schedule a photo session. I’m just not into it this year. Usually my Christmas cards are my pride and joy. This year there is a good chance it might not even happen. Let me tell you why.

First of all, this year has been so cray! Every day it’s something. It’s dance class, pre-school, therapy, holiday parties, birthday parties, doctors’ appointments, grocery store, not to mention someone in this house is always sick. We are off of all official kid activities this week, and I’m trying desperately not to leave the house. The last damn thing I want to do is dress my family and drag them to a photo shoot. Also, my photo shoot joy was trampled by my husband this year.

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Holiday WINE down

It’s the holiday season, which basically means booze season. Now that we are adults, (well most of us) a handle of Captain Morgan is just not an appropriate take along gift. Whether you are hosting the party or a guest, some basic wine knowledge is helpful. We have all been there, standing in the liquor store, looking like a deer in headlights, wasting valuable drinking time, in attempt to find the perfect bottle of wine. Let me help you.

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Political Rampage Part-3

As the third segment of my political rampage, I would like to start by saying; I truly don’t give a shit who you vote for tomorrow.

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A Political Rampage- Part Two

So many completely messed up things have happened throughout this election. I came out of the primaries trying to be an adult. You know, listen to the issues and proposed solutions. Respectfully hear my fellow Americans perspectives, even the ones I don’t agree with. It became very apparent, that was NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. So I decided my stellar sense of humor was the only way I’d make it out alive. Here are some of the funniest things I’ve taken from the election.

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A Political Rampage – Part One

First of all, I just want to offer up full disclosure this post gets pretty raw. I might even begin making up new cuss words on this one. So if you are offended by strong language, turn the page.

I cannot fucking wait for election day to be over. Maybe after next Tuesday we can stop berating each other over a political choice. I’m actually more disgusted by the American people than Hill and Don.  Not everyone of course, but A LOT. Some of you are so savage, going so hard on your opponents, you would think either of the two candidates actually gave a shit about you.

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