First of all, I just want to offer up full disclosure this post gets pretty raw. I might even begin making up new cuss words on this one. So if you are offended by strong language, turn the page.
I cannot fucking wait for election day to be over. Maybe after next Tuesday we can stop berating each other over a political choice. I’m actually more disgusted by the American people than Hill and Don. Not everyone of course, but A LOT. Some of you are so savage, going so hard on your opponents, you would think either of the two candidates actually gave a shit about you.
I started this investigation for myself and after everything I found, I have to share. The fact of the matter is I don’t just want to be able to defend myself, my kids, and my home; I don’t want to ever be in the position where I have to. My goal is to get you guys protected, so you don’t have to defend.
A little backstory for this letter comes from a promise I made myself last year around this time. It sounds so cliche, but turning 30 used to really freak me out. Even two years ago I dreaded that number. 10 years ago I would have told you I’ll be lucky to even see 30. So last year on my 30th birthday I promised myself that 30 would be MY year. I was going to do everything that I had wanted to try, but was afraid to. I was going to make 30-year-old Sarah the best Sarah. In following through with this promise to myself, I had to do a lot of uncomfortable things. Reflect on my past self and really own the mistakes that hindered me from truly loving my present self. To say 365 days is enough time to accomplish all of that would be a lie. But, the first step is always the hardest, and self-reflection is a big bad jerk-off.
“To understand who you are; you have to understand who you’ve been.”
Dear 20-year-old Sarah,
I am your older wiser self, I beg you to listen to my advice, but I know you won’t because you are an extremely stubborn young lady.
I recently received a text from an expecting momma reading “soooo I don’t have a birth plan”. When I had my first babe almost 4 years ago birth plans seemed to be just emerging as mainstream. Now you can’t find a pregnancy checklist without the daunting “make a birth plan”, “review your birth plan”, “make multiple copies of your birth plan”, “plaster your birth plan to your vagina”.
So basically, if you don’t have a birth plan you are already a horrible mother. Which is why I had one of course. A birth plan so elaborate and decisive that it would be criminal for me not to share.
Sarah’s Birth Plan
#1. Give me the drugs.
#2. Give me my baby.